Forgiveness

Forgiveness. That was the word that ran through my head when I woke up this morning. I think it has to do with someone I know who is a bad person, a very bad person. And after a while I realized what this person was and would never change no matter how many times I forgave them. The unfortunate this is this person is connected to my closest friend due to some circumstances that cannot be currently changes. So this leaves my friend, my sister, stuck dealing with this terrible person until those circumstances are changed.

This brings me back to Forgiveness. How much is too much? This person is the kind that will be all nice and kind to you but then take little shots at you when they feel you are too high and happy. If you game with this person they insist they are better than you even when proof says you are better or others are better. Their way or no way. If they do not get their way the world ends. And this is why I do not want to talk to this person but I know I probably should to help my friend deal with it all.

I pity them, I truly do. And I know I should not because this person was never there for me when I was alone and cold and needed help. No this person was there talking behind my back to everyone  else and talking behind everyone else back to anyone who would listen. Soon all this persons friends gave up hope that there would be a huge change and walked away. One by one they blocked him VIA phone or skype and facebook. Eventually, and I was one of the last (my threshold for forgiveness is rather high), I cut this person out because I could not watch this person use my closest friend as a punching bag and out right told me that it was enjoyable to see her cry.

This brings me back to the beginning, Forgiveness. when is it too much? I know from experience that forgiveness is something that is only deserving when both parties, the one that was wronged and the wrong doer, both admit it was stupid and it is time to get over it. Personally my closest friend and I had a huge fight a year ago and didn't talk for a full year, but eventually we both admitted that we acted like children and it was time to let go of the past, and now we couldn't be closer. But with this person, people have forgiven and forgiven what is done, what is said, and it keeps happening. Even in highschool no one wanted to talk to this person. So I know I have done my part. I have tried and tried but part of my wants to forgive one more time just to see if maybe there was a change this one time. But it will kill me, I cannot handle the stress. This person when this happens, and yes it has happened before, it is everyones fault they don't want to talk or ignore this person. There is no blame, I was personally blamed for what caused the circumstances between my friend and this person. This person took actual pride in splitting me and my boyfriend of two years up  said it was all this persons doing because I deserved to be alone, even though now that is turning out to be a good thing and I've never been happier in my life now.

As a psychology major I try to understand I try to forgive but I feel sorry for this person. So very sorry, and I want to forgive. I have been shown forgiveness in the past when I have messed up and done something stupid or said something mean... But the difference is, I learned from what I did to hurt whomever I hurt and never did it again. This person will do it again and again and get mad when people don't like it. I might have to forgive this time again... For my friend, my sister, she should not be alone in this.


*~* Kira